You're allowed to cry to me, you know
by EyesOfTheHeavens
Summary: A Secret Santa gift, the request being- "canonverse eren and levi cuddling in a tent." First time writing an AOT fic, and it's full of angst. I'm sorry. There's some fluff at the end though, I promise. Basically, Eren is suffering and Levi tries to help. More of an angsty drabble, I guess. **Also on Archive Of Our Own/AO3. (First uploaded there in 2017)


It was raining. Pouring. The sound deafening to the cold and shivering soldiers.

It was another hardening experiment, this time outside the walls. Tents were hurriedly being prepared, the sudden downpour catching them all off guard.

As if they hadn't had enough to deal with already.

The ground was soaked, soil turning into mud. A disgusting _'squelch'_ sounding as their battered leather boots stepped across.

The increasingly heavy wind wasn't making things any more bearable.

Overall, it was miserable. Though when was it not? With giant man-eating titans roaming the land, the last of humanity confined to tiny walls. It was pathetic, really.

All anyone could do, was blindly push on, praying for their actions to eventually lead to _something, anything._

It was brave, yet saddening.

Not to mention everything humanity thought they knew, in these recent years, has just been turned completely on its head, a giant middle finger to the brave soldiers who died to such a horrendous monster.

Indeed, a lot had changed in recent years. Months, even.

And with every passing day, things just seemed to grow even more complex and confusing.

It felt you could even be crushed under the weight of it all.

Who knows they weren't already? 

With soldiers continuing to scurry around, the tents and equipment were almost set up, orders being yelled back and forth, though it was hard to hear under the unrelenting rain.

After that was done, there was nothing left to do but try and sleep, waiting for the morning to trudge back to base again.

Now hurrying to the set up tents for shelter, things seemed to quiet down a tad, at least the yelling of orders had almost ceased.

Though there was one figure that could be seen, standing calmly in the downpour. His cape, the wings of freedom etched onto it, flying madly in the cruel wind.

The figure was soaked from head to toe, silently shivering, their teeth clattering. Their head hung low, and their shoulders drooped, looking as if the world had abandoned them.

Perhaps it had. Maybe the world had just given up on everyone. It seemed to be so.

You could hardly see it, but it was there. Just standing around lifelessly. Lost, confused, miserable.

The hope of all humanity. The one who bore the weight of the world.

Eren Yeager.

He simply stood under the pitch-black sky, not moving an inch. What was he doing? What was he thinking?

Was he mourning? Was he crying? Or were his emotions sucked dry at this point?  
Whatever it was, he was determined to not let it show, to anyone. He kept his struggles to himself, not even trusting his two close friends with his burden.

Well, not that there was any point. They had been with Eren long enough to be able to read him, in and out. It was something Eren found frustrating, but he couldn't bring himself to hate it. It was comforting in a way. They understood him, they cared for him. And he knew that, cherished it.

They were the only people he had left. There really was no doubting that anymore.

But even with them, he felt… Alone. He hadn't had a chance to grow up, and he already had such a huge responsibility. It was a wonder he held up so long.

Though he was beginning to doubt just how much longer he could keep it up. He didn't dare tell anyone he was actually stressed and tense out of his mind, forcing himself asleep each night just to be able to bear the next day, that he was desperately trying to keep himself in check.

He wouldn't dare let anyone know just how much things were affecting him. He couldn't. This world had no mercy, they didn't see him as a normal boy.

They saw him as a monster, as a means to an end. And they would treat him as nothing more.

Regardless, Eren accepted it all, bearing everything. If it meant he could save humanity, have a life outside the walls, he really didn't care. Not anymore. Not since that day of the wall being breached.

He lets out a long, drawn out sigh. He just had to keep on going, keep on fighting forward. Without hesitation, without regrets.

Without regrets…

Unbeknownst to him though, there was someone else silently watching him. Observing him. Waiting.

Erens sunken, pale face, his silent sighs, his lost gazes, his eyes that once held so much hope and passion, darkening with every passing day.

None of it could escape _him._ Even if it slipped past everyone else.

He could tell just how much he was struggling. It took everything he had not to drag Eren away and hold him close, reassure him, let him know he wasn't alone.

But he wouldn't. He believed Eren would come to him when he was ready to, when he had enough.

The problem was, he wasn't a very patient man. Everyone knew that.

But this man, Levi, was tired of waiting. He refused to just stand around and ignore it any longer. Even if he didn't want to admit it, he was worried. He felt pity, sympathy. After all, he too, held a similar responsibility.

Levi didn't show it, but he cared. About everyone, including Eren. But caring was a sign of weakness, a weakness to be exploited.  
So he could not let it be shown to anyone.

But perhaps Eren was an exception.

"Shouldn't you do something, Levi? He's not responding to anyone else… He trusts you, I think you're the only one he'll listen to." Almost everyone had retreated to their newly set up tents, save for two certain people. Or three, rather.  
Erens unusual and withdrawn behaviour after the days hardening experiments, hadn't gone unnoticed by the rest of the squad, of course. Hange had become visibly worried, planning to end the experiments early, before the sudden downpour forced them to do exactly that anyway.

These tests were obviously taking a toll on Erens body, but as always, Eren assured everyone he would be fine- He didn't have time to get sick, nor did anyone else.

But nobody realized just how much everything really _was_ weighing him down- Mentally.

"Levi?" Said man is suddenly pulled from his thoughts, startling him slightly. "What, Hange?" Still not completely aware, Levi continues to stare into the distance- At Eren.

Hange heaves a sigh, gut twisting in anxiety for the poor boy. "I said, shouldn't you go talk to him? You understand him better than anyone else."

"Do I, now…" He mumbles, still keeping his eyes glued on the distant figure. Hange had been with this curious man long enough to know he was just as worried as she was. He'd deal with this in his own way.

…But maybe he just needed a little push.

"Everyone's been where he is right now. But not everybody has someone to guide them through those times. And unlike everyone else his age, he has the weight of the world resting on his shoulders… Does he have to be alone too?"

With that, the brunette wanders off back to the tents. Leaving behind only the sound of boots sinking in mud and endless rain.

A silent sigh mixes with the harsh night air. Indeed, he's had enough of waiting.

"…Oi, Eren." A voice that's drowned out, but loud enough just for him to hear. A voice he was very familiar with.

Still, he doesn't respond. The raven haired-man clicks his tongue.

"Hey, don't ignore me. Why are you standing all the way out here in the fucking rain?" The boy remains silent, but slowly, he turns around to face his Captain. Finally giving him a clear view of his face.

He looked scared. Terrified.

He looked lonely. Almost ghastly, with his pale skin and dark circles under his eyes.

It wasn't right. It just wasn't… Eren.

Making up his mind, Levi grabs a hold of the boys arm, dragging him back to the campsite without another word. Eren doesn't resist, doesn't even object. He simply lets himself be dragged along, just not seeming to have any energy anymore.

…It definitely wasn't right.

Trudging through the thick and disgusting mud, the battering rain chilling them to the bone, they finally both arrive at Levis own tent.

Levi hurriedly pushes Eren in, not wanting him to be in the wet cold anymore. He ducks inside after.

Eren still kept quiet, making his captain huff. "Come on, you can't stay in those soaking clothes anymore, brat. We need to get you warm." As the younger teen made no move to remove his clothing, Levi clicks his tongue and sighs, forcefully peeling off his sticky jacket and shirt.

His worn, rough and slender hands briefly make contact with the teens skin, catching himself off-guard at how warm Eren felt, even if it wasn't much, despite standing stock still in the wind and rain for almost an hour straight.

Titan powers, he guessed. At least he didn't have to deal with him half-frozen to death.

The jacket and shirt thrown to the back of the tent somewhere, Levi undoes the rest of his 3DMG straps, but stopping when a hand abruptly places itself on his shoulder. He looks up, Eren is looking back, his eyes filled with sadness.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, low and uncertain, his voice cracking slightly. It made Levis chest ache. Never had he heard Eren sound so lost. So downhearted.

In Levis mind, a single question popped up- What was he apologizing for?

Right now though, he had other important matters to address.

"There's nothing to be sorry for, Eren." This wasn't the first time. After the encounter with the female Titan, Eren had apologized then as well. Then, and even now, Levi never blamed Eren. He tried to reassure him, that it truly wasn't his fault, but Eren really couldn't help but feel guilty. Levi understood well enough.

But just what was it that was weighing him down so much?

Not satisfied with Levis reply, his hand squeezes his shoulder tightly, unspoken words and thoughts spinning around in his head. He opens his mouth to speak.

"You too." The older man looks back up at him in confusion. Seeing his expression, Eren continues. "You're cold too."

The words click inside Levis head. Sighing, he opens his mouth to object, before the boy cuts him off by suddenly yet carefully removing the green cape around his neck, moving to his jacket, and then his pearly white Cravat.

The captain made no move to stop him, instead deciding to give Eren his way, helping him remove his own gear and straps.

Now down to his boxers, Levi continues to strip Eren of his drenched clothing. The boy never meeting his eyes, an awkward and tension-heavy silence between the two.

Finally out of tight and uncomfortable gear, Levi begins to wring both their uniforms dry, ordering Eren to wrap up in the tents blankets. He did so without a word, still looking as glum as earlier. A talk was definitely in order. Which Levi doubted would go very well with his own attitude.

Crossing his legs, he settles down in front of the shivering brunette, his blankets wrapped loosely and lazily. Clicking his tongue, Levi grabs the sheets and pulls them tighter around the boy, no words being said.

Leaning back, he opens his mouth to speak. "What's wrong?" It was direct and blunt, he didn't really know how else to go about it. He wasn't used to having to deal with brats quite as troublesome as Eren was.

The boy in question looked up, finally meeting his captains eyes. He still looked as broken and lonely as he was out in the rain.

"…I don't know." Came his reply. At first, Levi was silent, confused. His thoughts clear, Eren continued.

"I-I really don't know, sir. I… Just feel tired, I guess." His words sounded uncertain, shaky and fragile. Levis eyes soften, realizing just how vulnerable Eren was in this moment.

And he showed this side to nobody but Levi.

"…I see." He tried to think of how to reply, what could sooth and reassure him- Yet that was all he managed. He silently curses himself. He truly was hopeless when it came to anything with _feeling,_ it seemed.

At that moment, he forgets all about words to try and comfort Eren- They were useless. Just petty lies. And Levi was not a man to lie.

He still held that belief close to him, that actions spoke louder than words. So, making up his mind, he shuffles next to the wrap of blankets, and, albeit awkwardly, wraps his large frame and arms around the younger soldier.

He could feel him stiffen under his touch, and his breath to stop. Levi was definitely not an "affectionate" person- In fact, had he ever even so much as hugged someone before? It was doubtful, at best.

The warmth from Levis body was sudden and unexpected, yet it seemed to seep into Eren, warming his tattered heart. Heat pooled beneath his eyes, and the tears came flooding out. For once, in Levis arms, he didn't want to act strong, he didn't want to bottle up his emotions. With Levi, he felt safe.

He felt he could trust him with everything he had.

The raven man tried to ignore the strange and uncertain feeling of anothers arms being wrapped around him in a tight, desperate embrace. It was almost like the boy was clinging to his body just so he could breathe, remind himself he was here, he was safe.

The uncertainty in Levi soon melted away, as he gently rocked him back and forth, placing light kisses on his head of messy (and still rather wet) chocolate-coloured hair.

It almost felt… Natural, in a way. It just felt, right, in eachothers arms, the cheesiness of the thought thoroughly ticking Levi off, but he pushes the thought aside. Right now, Eren needed him.

He felt himself unable to resist from hugging the boy closer to him with every sob and whimper he made. They were holding on so tight, almost crushingly, but neither of them could find it in themselves to really care.

Finally, Erens sobbing quieted, after minutes? Hours? It was impossible to tell anymore.

At this point, levi was unsure whether he should just let him go. I mean, he had stopped crying, and anymore than this would just be awkward, right? But he couldn't bring himself to do so. And the feeling of Eren in his arms was… Amazing. He could afford to be a bit selfish just this once, surely.

Eren seemed just as reluctant to let go, as well.

They simply stay silent, in the dead of night, the rain seeming to have calmed down in the meantime. Unlike before, it was now rather soothing- The irregular tap of droplets hitting the tent creating a drowsy and calm feeling. A treasured and precious moment to anyone from the SC.

After a bit, though, Eren decides to break the silence.

"…Thank you, sir…" He mumbles, his earlier quiet and pain-stricken voice, though still quiet, was filled to the brim with gratefulness. It was like you could hear the weight had been lifted from his chest. Levi couldn't help but smile at his words. "I told you, you can call me Levi when we're alone… I don't want you to think of me as your superior in times like this." He couldn't really stop the words from coming out, but maybe it was better that way.

"You can rely on me, you know. I do actually care, brat." It was something Levi had been holding inside for far too long. He had been wanting to tell Eren for so long, that it was okay. That he was here for him. That he cared. But those words refused to leave his mouth, leaving him even more frustrated, and, rather lonely.

He hated that he couldn't express himself better when he needed to. It was especially bad with someone like Eren, who often misunderstood Levi.

It was a tiring thing, emotions and expressing them, all that shit. But if it gave Eren some peace of mind, he guessed it wasn't too bad to at least _try_ for him.

Eren replies with another muffled 'Thank you', not bothering to hide his smile.

After that, it's silent yet again, such the Captain assumed he had nothing left to say, but Eren broke the silence once again. This time, with a question.

One that Levi didn't really want to hear.

"Excuse me for asking, si- I mean, uh… Levi, but…" Thinking about it, was this the first time Eren had spoken his name? He wasn't quite sure, but he loved the way it sounded from him. Other than that, Erens hesitance slightly worried the older man. But he kept silent, waiting for him to continue.

Sucking in a breath, he speaks once more.

"Are… you okay? I mean… You, you've been through so much, and yet… You never seem to grieve… I-I don't mean that in a weird way, I mean…"

"You can grieve to me… If you want. I'd like it if… You could trust me with such a thing. Maybe it isn't… Even needed, but… I-I'm here, Levi. If you ever needed me."

Even when Eren was breaking down, he was worrying about Levi. He couldn't deny the swell of affection he felt, but at the same time, it rather pissed him off. Just a bit.

"Hm. I'm just an old man, I don't need anything like that." He replies with a smile on his face. He couldn't help but adore Eren even more.

Adore? Was that the word he would use?

"Hah, maybe so… But even you seem lonely sometimes… I-It worries me."

"…I'm fine, Eren."

"But you're not! And I know you're not! Levi… Tell me, honestly, doesn't it hurt?"

He's silent for a moment. He could feel the weight of Erens stare on him, piercing through.

Damn him and his stubbornness.

Doesn't it hurt?

Of course it does. It hurts. It hurts too much.

He really was a brat, to be breaking Levis mask like this. It wasn't right. Levi wasn't supposed to feel.

He hugs Eren closer to his chest, hiding his face in the youngers shoulder. Yes, it hurt. It hurt, it hurt.

But he was a soldier. It was supposed to hurt.

"I care about you, as well… Just remember that." He hears him mumble into his chest, feeling those warm arms around him once more.  
And at last, he breaks out a smile. "Brat." Ruffling his hair affectionately, he closes his eyes.

He hated how fond he was of Eren, he truly did.

A moment passes, maybe two, of them simply holding eachother close, and Eren pulls back again.

Their eyes meet.

Was it possible for so many feelings to be exchanged without even uttering a single word?

They lean forward, foreheads and the tips of their noses touching.

"I'm okay if I'm with you."

 _You don't have to be alone anymore._


End file.
